Leading, but not up the garden path

It is “Proud to be indigenous week”, so I thought I would take the opportunity to talk about what I admire in the Aboriginal leaders who have made an impression on me. This week has also been the United Nations Permanent Forum on Indigenous Issues and we have many of our great leaders there.

Leadership is not something I aspire too, however from time to time I wonder if I was to be a leader, what qualities I would need to be successful.

It is very easy to sit back and criticise but very few people seem to consider our strengths.

 As a semi-young Aboriginal woman, (at 33 I am not youth, middle aged or elderly) I have already met some amazing people in my life. Many of these amazing people have assisted in shaping me into the person that I am. My mum, of course, is one of them. While these people know I value them, I want to share with you, why.

Qualities I admire in an Aboriginal leader:

The Mentor - leaders who mentor the next generation. Those who see the future of our people in the passion, desire and drive of youth. They help shape them into a force to be reckoned with. These leaders spend the time, time they often don’t have, ensuring that Aboriginal people will have more amazing leaders to be proud of in the future.

The visionary - fearless leaders who at times have had to go it alone, who have faced immense challenges but because of their vision and passion to keep moving forward.

The lateral thinker - these leaders challenge the norm; will not, do not accept that things have to stay the same because they have always been that way. These people’s ideas may seem wacky or too hard to start with but they always seem to pull of the big jobs.

The fighter – the leader who despite numerous knock downs refuses to give in or give-up. They will fight until their last breath regardless of the personal cost.

The quite achiever- This leader often get the least amount of notice. They are steady and methodical, shying away from the limelight but are always working towards the goal of creating a better future for us.

The rule breaker  - The leader who doesn’t think like other people, that sees rules as guidelines and who will, when the rules hamper the outcome, sidestep them and make it work for our people.

The networker – the leader who, through their connections can make things happen to the benefit of our Peoples. They bring with them a horde of people which cannot be ignored.

The get in and just do it –They are the people who will just do what needs to be done. They have no problems getting their hands dirty and it doesn’t matter if it is packing boxes or being on the mic, they are up for the task.

The fountain of knowledge – these leaders are the one you go to when you need to know anything about anything. They seem to be a walking encyclopaedia. They crave knowledge above all else because they know it is through knowledge we can fight.

The communicator – this person can say things that most people could never say, should never say, but they do it with such finesse that the message is not lost nor offensive.

The community minded- This leader puts their community and other Aboriginal people before themselves. They are not interested in the attention, the acclaim or the pay packet. They are work to assist in making the future of our Peoples better.

The collaborator – this leader works in collaboration with everyone regardless of age and experience. They see value in life experience as much as education and always make sure that the people they are working with feel valued. Respect and trust is the key to the way they do business!

The one thing all Aboriginal leaders I admire have in common is that they are there for our Peoples rather than themselves. They use WE not I.

This list is by no means exhaustive. It is just a few qualities that are really valuable to me. Qualities that make me proud to be Aboriginal woman. I hope it has prompted you to consider our strengths not just the negatives.

Ode to Aboriginal men; how I love you!

I love Aboriginal men!

Now do not let your mind stray some where you can't tell your mother. It is not for the reasons you are thinking a young Aboriginal woman might like men.

I am sure that you have heard of men talking about how dogs or even children attract women. Aboriginal men do not need to talk about it; they do it naturally. Despite the negative media stories about Aboriginal men, Aboriginal men are loving family men.

I have noticed that it is more common to see an Aboriginal man with a child or even children, then non-Aboriginal men. I do not mean the men at Coogee pushing their child’s stroller and trying to look “cool” by pushing it with one hand but never looking at the kid. Or the husband of my non-Aboriginal friend told me about who comes home from work, “exhausted” and needs “time to him self” before spending time with their kids.

I noticed a large number of our men and boys at the Koori Knockout last year with children, sometimes one on the hip and another holding their hand. It was as common to see the men and boys looking after kids, as it was the women. The child could be theirs, their niece or nephew, grandchild, cousin or even a mates. Whatever their connection was with the child, they would probably call them “Uncle” as a mark of respect. I made a comment along these lines to a colleague and she had noticed the same thing. At the footy carnival in Port Lincoln in South Australia, I also noticed the amount of our men looking after children.

One of my brothers, at the hospital with his best mate, demanded he hold the newborn, of which he has the self-declared, “Godfather”. He has also declared himself the Godfather of the older brother. Because of the way our Culture places a high value on family, our men have always been around children, so for an Aboriginal man to hold a newborn is natural. Non-Aboriginal men rarely seem so natural with a newborn. By the way "family" is often used as a term used to include people we care about. For an Aboriginal man to care about a child that is not his is natural.

On the weekend at breakfast, I was talking to a friend and he mentioned that at a footy game a mate brought his new baby. When my mate asked to hold the kid, the rest of the team looked at him as if he was crazy! Crazy? Really? What is more natural than holding a child?

This phenomenon is not unusual. I regularly attend Aboriginal community events, either as a community member or in a work capacity and always notice the way our men take care of kids. I have many male friends who are proud and dedicated fathers, brother, grandfathers, uncles and “godfathers”.  If I thought you would continue to read my blog, I would recount story after story of how Aboriginal men are amazing.

Our men are often generous, tender, caring, thoughtful and considerate. For their children or children in their circle (and the circle are often quite large), they are involved in raising them and embody these values.

If you are not Aboriginal, I hope that the Aboriginal men I describe, do not contradict the image you have of our men, however I am not sure that it does not. It is unfortunate that most non-Aboriginal people do not get to see what I see. If they did, they would realise why I love our men and why I am proud to be Aboriginal.

So for the single ladies reading this I hope I have made you consider an Aboriginal man. The saying “once you go black you won’t go back” rings true for me. But not for reasons, your dirty mind, is thinking of.

a large number

Violence against women is never ok; my story.

Have you ever wondered how women and sometimes even men, end up in a domestically violent relationship? I use to. A cousin of mine was telling mum and me about how her boyfriend beat her. I was horrified, I looked at her confused and asked her by she didn't just leave. She looked at me, as confused and said its not that easy. I thought "that would never happen to me".

And yet, now I am a survivor of a relationship which was violent. I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I got out before I was hospitalised, before I had children to the man I was with, before it killed me but not before it left its scars. Even three years on this writing this makes me feel physically unwell and anxious.

I share my story because I think it is something that is often not spoken about but really needs to be because it happens too often. And too many excuses are made when it does.

Those who know me were surprised to find out that I had been in a domestically violent relationship. I am strong, intelligent, well educated, capable and a fighter in my own right. How then did I end up in a violent relationship? I asked my self that question many times and now, after some serious reflection, I have some insight into why I stayed.

It sneaks up on you. There are the fights, yelling and name calling. You become use to it, it doesn't scare you as much as it use to. And then he ups the ante. He starts throwing things. At first your shocked and then you tell yourself that he doesn't mean to scare you. He loves you after all. Then he apologises. You tell yourself maybe it’s your fault. Maybe if I did something different he wouldn't get so angry. You stop fighting back. You keep quiet. Yet that dosen’t seem to work. He still gets so angry and then he hurts you for the first time. In my case he picked me up and threw me out of the bedroom on to the concert floor. I sat on the ground shocked. What just happened. I’m bruised and not just my body. He tells me it's my fault. I shouldn't have made him angry. I know it's not and tell him if he ever touches me again Ill leave. He promises to be better and he is. At least for a while.

Everyone has a different breaking point. Mine was the 5th incident, he verbally abused me for what felt like hours, destroyed the room, threw me against a wall, hit me with whatever's he could get his hands on before I crawled into bed. He was in the doorway and wouldn't let me leave. Ignoring him only made it worse. He kicked a box at me, which hit me in the head, hit the window and glass rained down onto me. The neighbours called the police.

I left, decided to take out an intervention order aka AVO and tried to repair the damage. I told a few friends and family what happened and they supported me through it all. A big thank you to them.

I write this not so you will feel sorry for me but because domestic violence can happen to anyone. It is often not spoken about and people feel isolated when they are in that situation. They blame themselves and feel helpless. Without the amazing people around me, I wouldn't be as ok as I am. I do however still have and possibly always will emotional scars. And I hope that people will read this and do something different. That could be get out when you see the warning signs, support someone you think might be in a bad relationship or understand that your violence leaves scars you will never see and may never go away.

Don’t just wait for white ribbon day.

White Ribbon day is on the 25nd of November. For more information go to: http://www.whiteribbon.org.au/.

My take on my Culture, Aboriginal Culture

So when ever I tell people I am Aboriginal they look a little confused. They see me...

 

Paul Foley http://www.lightmoods.com.au/

 

And I can see the confusion on their face. The way I look contradicts their views on what an Aboriginal person looks like and what Aboriginal Culture is.

 

Aboriginal Culture is so varied and yet holds us all together. From my perspective, as an urban Aboriginal woman, Culture is; Cultural practises, family, community responsibility and a connection to country. It's our way of doing business, through respect, community engagement and Cultural protocol. It's respecting the wisdom and knowledge of our elders. It's my history, pre and post invasion. Culture is a long list of variables, which our mob share but no one person embodies all of them.

There are many Aboriginal Cultures; with similarities and difference. Contrary to popular belief, there is no one size fits all. Our diversity is our strength, yet is often over looked because people assume that because the singular word "Aboriginal" is used, we must be all the same. I however liken the word Aboriginal, to saying European. Make more sense now?

There is also traditional Culture, which is our Cultural practise's, beliefs, lore. But no culture is static. Every Cultural practise, story and dance had a beginning. Often Aboriginal Culture is seen as static; frozen in time, pre-invasion. One static interpretation is the romantic notion of Aboriginal Culture. People hold the notion of the "noble savage". When they see how we are negatively promoted in the media and it doesn't fit with the “noble savage” imagery, they draw the conclusion that our Culture is lost. So far from the truth.

People also often confuse “Culture” and “culture”. "Culture" with a capital "C" refers to the Cultural practises which make us who we are. "culture" can refer to specific behaviours like "drinking culture", which are not part of Cultural practise and does not make us who we are. Yet the terms are often used interchangeably, to the detriment of our mob. We are not the sum of our issues.

It has taken me a long time to articulate what Aboriginal Culture means to me, so it is no surprise that outsiders have a hard time too. It is no more difficult to articulate, than it would be to articulate Australian Culture, however Australian Culture is rarely under the spotlight in quite the same way as Aboriginal Culture.

I shall finish off with saying, that if you do not yet fully grasp Aboriginal Culture, don’t be surprised. It will take me a lifetime to understand what it means to be an Aboriginal woman. How is anyone else mean to get it in just a few words such as this?

 

Please sir, can I have some more? Manners where have you gone!

In fear of sounding like a 1950’s housewife, where are people’s manners these days? Table manners have gone out the window. “maybe” is now an acceptable RSVP to a dinner invitation, being  at least 30 minutes late is the norm and people smoke in enclosed spaced despite the fact most people don’t smoke while complaining about the use of the “C” word.

Lets start with lateness because it is my pet hate. People’s houses are not like a restaurant, where food is cooked to order after you arrive. When someone is cooking for you, timers are used as food goes hard and dry if it is overcooked. The host also would like to enjoy the company of their friends so they tend to prepare and have the meal cooking so it is ready not long after you arrive. Excusing your lateness by saying “that’s just me” is not good enough. Lateness is not an incurable condition like torrets. It is just bad time management.

Now on to “maybe”. What to do with a maybe…Once upon a time an RSVP use to be a “yes” or a “no”. A yes or a no allows the inviter to book the right table size and cater for the right number of people…For those of you who say maybe, what is the problem with committing? Is it that you are waiting to see if you get a better offer, have genuine commitment issues or are you just inconsiderate?

And table manners, oh I lament the loss of table manners. Eating or talking with your mouth open, spitting onto your plate, licking your knife, and scaping the bowl. If your mothers did not teach you that those things were bad manners when eating in public, then they were remiss. The joke “do you like see food” was only funny when you were 7. Table manners are there so our dinning experience is not disturbed by watching you masticate your food in cave man style.

One of the newer art of manners is around smoking. In case you were not aware your smoke drifts though the air up other peoples nostrils and into their lungs. For those of us who do not smoke, we are ok with you smoking as long as it does not impede on our right to clean air (clean “ish” air if you live in the city). If you have manners, and there are plenty of smokers who do, you will remove yourself from the situation or blow smoke away from people or sit down wind. So to the girl who was at the Entertainment Quarter on Saturday night smoking in the stair well while complaining about someone using the “C” word in conversation, your manners are hardly faultless.

To sum up, manners have not gone past their used by date. They still have a purpose in the modern age.  So people please bring back manners. It shows that you are both aware of the people around you and considerate.

Fellow Australians, do I have permission to be Aboriginal yet?

In Australia, everyone owns the Aboriginal identity. You would be hard pressed to find someone who does not have an opinion on what it means to be Aboriginal. Everyone, from the Andrew Bolts to ordinary Australians and even newcomers to this country.

Some people still seem to live in the dark ages, where the darker you are, the more Aboriginal you are. We are colour coordinated, our blood quantified and our identity defined in legislation. Everyone is an expert on Aboriginality. Are there any other peoples in Australia whose identity is as debated?

Do Australians regularly discuss what constitutes an American identity?

Do they sit around a dinner table and analyse a particular British persons identity to determine whether they are British enough?

How likely is there to be an Australian newspaper opinion piece, on a Japanese persons right to call themselves Japanese because they are only “part” Japanese?

Discussions like this only happen about Aboriginal identity. It is part of Australians psyche because of a history of Australia defining Aboriginality.

A quick summary of history for those, who discuss our identity but are ignorant to it…Aboriginal people were defined as “savages” and our land declared Terra Nullius. When Australia became a federation, “Aboriginal natives” were not counted as citizen and were classed under the Flora and Fauna Act. We were defined as animals. In NSW those defined as “half-castes” were no allowed to live on government reserves, Aboriginal people in the NT were not allowed to have sex across the colour lines and in all states we are told where to live. All the legislation was based on a white mans version of our identity. Discussed, debated and qualified by the white man.

And in 1967, Aboriginal people were finally counted in the census; finally human rather than animal. Australians finally defining Aboriginal people as human in our own land.

While people continue to question and define our identity around us, Aboriginal people are meant to take it in our stride. Stay calm and “educate” the ignorant masses, so we do not upset them. Educate them so they can decide for themselves who and what we are.

This is my education. To all those people who think they have the right to define Aboriginal peoples identity; to discuss it without thought to how we might feel about it; or thought to how we define ourselves, ENOUGH! We do not have to justify our Aboriginality to anyone…

The only people allowed to define Aboriginality are Aboriginal people. We are the only ones who know what it means to be Aboriginal, the only ones who are experts on Aboriginality. Because we are. We live it. We breathe it. Are.

Find a new topic of conversation. This one does not belong to you.

Blak? Blak? Blak?

For urban Aboriginal people, Blak will resonate with you as none of Bangarra’s performances ever has before. It explores the issues we know. The settings we understand. The struggle between the modern and the traditional, that at times has people questioning our Aboriginal identities. And unless you grew up as an Urban Blak, you may never have considered what it is like for us, until you see Blak.

I have seen other Bangarra performances before, but Blak blew me away. There is an undercurrent of Aboriginal Culture juxtaposed by an urban setting. The music by Paul Mac with David Page, hits you with urban beats overlaid with the didg. It gets in your body. The costume and set design were minimalistic; modern and understated the focus completely on the dancers. 

And then…there was the dancers! OMFG!

The men open and are strong. For those who know me well, already know I like my men strong and black! Beyond their amazing bodies, their dancing is crazy good. The technique and the strength were apparent. The slow mo scene was something that I thought could only happen with CGI. Apparently not!

Like the men, the women were strong yet still feminine. Aboriginal women, as I know them. The women expressed so much emotion right from the minute they appeared on stage. I was holding my breath. They told a story of a life I am all too familiar with. A life of violence, young death and grief. But still so beautiful.

When the male and female dancers came together in the last scene, there was a sense of completeness. Despite all the hardships highlighted in the first two scenes, the third scene showed the strength and resilience that we all know Aboriginal people have but is often overlooked by the mainstream. It was about our Culture that was and is.

For those few, who have said that Bangarra is not “Aboriginal dance” because it is not “traditional”, you should see Blak. Blak is unmistakably Aboriginal. The dancers, the music, the chorography, the story and the set make it uniquely Blak and urban.

And can someone please tell me where I can buy the soundtrack?!?

http://www.bangarra.com.au/performance/blak

https://twitter.com/BangarraDance